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After Life

Friday, 27 January, 2012 - 1:12 pm

Yitzhak and Sharon have been eating the healthiest and most organic of foods for over 10 years – mainly at the insistence of Sharon. She also ensures that they regularly attend keep fit classes, so although they are in their 80s, they are both in excellent health.  But their good health doesn’t help them when their car collides with a lorry on the M25 motorway and they’re both killed.
When they reach Heaven, a guide takes them to a beautiful house, furnished in gold and fine silks. All their favourite clothes are hanging in the bedroom’s wardrobes and the kitchen is fully stocked. There is even a waterfall in the house’s extensive grounds. Yitzhak and Sharon are thrilled when the guide says, "Welcome to your new home."
In their previous life, they were not very well off and survived by watching their pennies, so Yitzhak asks, "How much is this going to cost?"
"Nothing," replies the guide, "this is your reward in Heaven."
Yitzhak looks out the window. To the left of the waterfall is a golf course, more beautiful than any he’d seen on Earth. "What are the green fees?" he asks.
"This is heaven," replies the guide, "you can play for free, every day."
The guide then takes them into to the clubhouse. "Wow!" says Yitzhak, when he sees the lavish buffet lunch laid out before them. There is every kind of food, from seafood to steaks to exotic desserts, and plenty of alcohol.
"Don't even ask," says the guide, "this is Heaven, it’s all free for you to enjoy."
Yitzhak looks around, glances nervously at Sharon and asks, "Where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated coffee?"
"That's the best part," replies the guide, "you can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you’ll never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"
Yitzhak says "No gym to work out at?"
"Not unless you want to," replies the guide.
"No testing of my sugar, cholesterol or blood pressure?"
"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself," replies the guide.
On hearing all this, Yitzhak glares at Sharon and says, "If it wasn’t for your stupid bran cereals, your yucky unsweetened green teas, your tasteless unsalted crisps, your silly small portions, your watery alcohol-free Kiddush wine and your mind-numbingly low fat everything, we could have been here ten years ago!"

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