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Jewish Jokes

Rich Man

A shnorrer knocked on the door of a house in Golders Green.
“What do you want?” said the owner.
“Can you spare some money to help a poor person?” said the beggar.
But as soon he was given a few coins and told to go on his way, the beggar complained, “Your son gave me twice as much when I called here last week.”
“Well, my son can afford to,” said the owner, “he has a very rich father.”

Could be worse

A Jewish man goes to his doctor. "Doctor", he says, "I've had a dreadful week. On Monday I lost my job." "Well. Things could be worse", replies the doctor without looking up. "But that's not all", says his patient. "On Tuesday my house was reposessed by the bank." Again the doctor simply shrugs. "Things could be worse", he replies."To cap it all",says his patient, "my son who has been married for 2o years and has three adorable children, announces that he is gay." The doctor now looks up. "Well", he says, "things could be worse." At this point his patient becomes very annoyed. "How can you sit there and say that? How could it be worse?" he retorts. The doctor looks down at his paperwork on his desk. "It could have been me", he replies.

Remain Seated

As the midwinter flight completes is descent into Tel Aviv, the flight crew announces, "Ladies and Gentelmen, we ask that you remain seated until the plane has come to a complete stop, and the pilot turns off the seatbelt sign.
And to those of you who are still seated, Happy XMas

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