Jewish Jokes

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Mr. Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.

"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figger out."

"What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.

"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"

"Right."

"An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"

"Er--right."

"An' the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"

"Again you're right."

"An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always doin' somethin' important, right?"

"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt, "So, what's your question?"

"What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What were all the grown-ups doin'?"

Benjy finally gives in. After weeks of nagging by his mother, he agrees to go on a blind date with Judith, the daughter of one of his mother's friends. He's going to take her to Morty's Kosher Diner.

Benjy's mother tells him that she has a premonition that this will work out well for him, "It will be a shiddach made in heaven," she says .Benjy nevertheless asks his friend Tony to call him at the restaurant at 9pm to give him an excuse to leave early if need be.

Benjy meets Judith at the restaurant and very quickly realizes that Judith is not the one for him. She shows no interest in anything he talks about – all she does is talk about boring women things like babies, jewelry and shoes. So after about an hour of this, Benjy is pleased to hear his mobile phone ring. He answers it, talks for a short time, then tells Judith, in a very sad voice, "I've got to leave right away, Judith. My grandfather just died."

Judith looks very pleased to hear this. "Thank goodness for that," she says. "If your grandfather hadn't died, mine would have died in about 10 minutes."