Printed from ChabadMidSuffolk.com

Jewish Jokes

Jewish Jokes

 Email

Fees

David Goldberg, a seasoned doctor, turns to Harry Rabinowitz, the man seated next to him in the synagogue, and says, "Harry, you're an intelligent lawyer, I need your help."
 
The doctor begins his lament. "Every Shabbos," he says, "during the entire time of the service, people approach me seeking medical advice. This one has stomach pains, this one's wife woke up with a headache, this guy's mother-in-law's back hurts. I am just sick and tired of this. Shabbos is my only day of rest."
 
"Listen to me," says Harry. "Next guy that comes over, give him the advice he needs, but make sure to send him a bill for your medical advice the following week. I guarantee you," says Harry, "that in no time you will have peace and quiet in the synagogue."
 
"Great idea!" exclaims the doctor. He returns home in a great mood.
 
Tuesday, as David is opening the mail, he finds a bill from his friend Harry Rabinowitz.
 

Yiddish

A group of Jewish American Tourist are in London and on their itinary is listed a visit to Blooms Kosher Restaurant in Golders Green.

After being seated at the table they are served by a Chinese Waiter, who conducts the whole conversation in Yiddish.

After the meal and just before they are about to leave, they are confronted by the owner, Mr. Bloom, who asks them if they enjoyed the meal.

The leader of the group states that they were well satisfied by the food and service, but were amazed that the waiter only spoke in yiddish.

Mr. Bloom placed the index finger of his right hand to his lips and said "Shush, he thinks he's speaking in English"!!

Hebrew Reading

When Golda Meir held the office of Israeli Prime Minister, she tried to encourage Henry Kissinger to make Israel a top priority.

He sent her a letter: "I would like to inform you that I'm first an American citizen; second, Secretary of State; and third, a Jew."

She responded: "In Israel, we read from right to left."

Looking for older posts? See the sidebar for the Archive.