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Jewish Jokes

Jewish Jokes

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Good Luck

Chaim is in the hospital, recovering from a massive heart attack, with his wife, Yenta, at his side. As he comes out of his drugged stupor he turns to his wife and says, "Yenta, you remember when I had my appendectomy"? "Of course!" says Yenta. "And you were sitting by my side then" says Chaim, "I wouldn't have been any where else" replies Yenta.

"And remember the emergency hernia operation when I almost didn't make it?" asks Chaim, "You were by my side then too". "Of course" replies Yenta with tears in her eyes. "And now I wake up from a massive heart attack and here you are - by my side!" exclaims Chaim, "Yes, yes" says Yenta, becoming very emotional.

"So you were by my side by the appendectomy, you were right there when I had the hernia and here you are when I have a heart attack.

Yenta, you think maybe you bring me bad luck??"

Marriage Therapy

"Rabbi, my wife drives me nuts; I can't live with her anymore." Okay," says the Rabbi, "you have to get divorced." "But Rabbi, I love her so much!" "So stay together."

"But every time I come home we start fighting, it can't go on this way!" "So get divorced." "But what about the kids? I can't live without my children." "So stay together..."

"But our common life is a hell!"
 
"You know what?" said the Rabbi. "Become a Christian."

The man was shocked. "What?! How will that solve the problem?"

"It won't. But then you'll drive some priest crazy."

Apple's Latest Gizmo

Have you heard that Mac is launching a new miniature digital music player which will only play Chassidic songs?

It's called the Ay Yay Yay Pod.

Paper in the Kotel

A rabbi meets a couple and asks them how many children they have?
"We aren't blessed with any yet."
"Let me write down your names and place a note in the Kotel for a blessing."

Five years later he meets the women again and asks, "So how is the family?"
"Well rabbi, we were blessed with 10 children; two sets of twins and two sets of triplets."
"Amazing! I would like to congratulate your husband. Where is he?"
"He is in Israel," she replies
"What is he doing there?"the Rabbi asks.

"Looking for the note you placed in the wall!!

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